


Sink or Swim

by orphan_account



Series: Neptune - Sleeping at Last // Song Inspired Series [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Poor Kuroo Tetsurou, Reader is Awful, Reader-Insert, Senpai!reader, Starts off in high school, kuroo is a cinnamon roll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8370751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: One shot inspired by Sleeping at Last's song Neptune
In which, Kuroo struggles to keep his relationship with reader afloat after she moves on to college.
----------Tears coated his eyes, he knew missing you wasn't going to be easy.  A few surprise visits were already in the making.  He just needed to save a bit more money from his part time job, could feel the big smile that was sure to light up your face once he arrived there.  He waved off your train.
As the train chugged along on its tracks, a sense of relief flowed through you, knowing you would be far away from Kuroo's prying.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Series theme is "I want to love you, but I don't know how."
> 
> Here is a link to the song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jI71QpD4Ma8

 

_You let me set sail with cheap wood,_

_so I patched up every leak that I could,_

_until the blame grew too heavy._

 

* * *

"Senpai!"

Your best friend shared an exasperated look with you.  Clicking your tongue and quickly rolling your eyes, you turned on your heel to greet your latest headache, complete with messy, black hair.  Kuroo raced down the second half of the school's hallway to catch up to you. 

Standing before you, a small blush crept across the middle of his face, and he scratched his neck nervously.  He had been dropping major hints your way that he wanted to ask you out, none of which you'd responded to positively, but this time he meant business.

"There is something I wanted to discuss with you.  Can I interest you in some cold, canned beverage from our friendly neighborhood vending machine while we chat outside?"  You shot a look at your friend who nodded.

Your last relationship had come to a wrecking end, and you really weren't looking to start anything new until college.  A few week's worth of lunches had been spent discussing how to put off Kuroo from this exact moment, but it was now obvious he would not be swayed, such a persistent bundle of joy.

Seriously, though!  Blunt would be an understatement as to how you were turning this 2nd-year down.  

When he convinced the lunch lady to let him pay for your bread in secret, you'd returned it to him the next day shoving it into his large hands while passing him in the hallway on the way to your class with a grumpy, "I don't want it."

Or when you had unknowingly been eating candies he was leaving on your desk.  You figured your friend had left them.  They were your favorite kind too. One day you arrived at school extra early to finish an assignment, catching him in the act.  "Kuroo, stop! That's enough of this."

Two days ago was the last straw.  The two of you ran into each other at the convenience store on the corner near your home.  Standing in front of the wide selection of frozen treats, you almost ducked into the snack aisle in time before he noticed you.  "Oh? Who do we have here?"  He towered over you menacingly.  You ignored him with a huff, face flushing in anger, grabbed your go-to popsicles and left as quickly as you could.  Now he was stalking you?!  Why did he always seem so pleased with himself?

"Fine, Kuroo."  You waved goodbye to your friend and turned to walk back down the hall with the annoying pest, your gaze focused straight ahead.

Kuroo watched you from the corner of his eye through his dark bangs.  The uncontrollable pulsing in his chest was distracting him from his mission.

The degree of heat on his face increased when his hand brushed against yours.  He thought back on the times you'd made his happiness soar, turning a blind eye to the flinch which radiated through your body upwards from his touch.

Oh! How about the time you gifted him an entire bread when he'd forgotten his lunch.  Or there's the time you caught him planting candies on your desk.  His chest had swelled with pride since you now knew he was so thoughtful.  What about the time you'd shown up at the store next his family's apartment?  Now that was an unexpected surprise.  Obviously, you felt too shy once he noticed you and hightailed it out of there, an adorable pink on your face.

After purchasing iced teas from the machine, Kuroo led you to a nearby bench.  A group of 3rd-year boys were headed up the path in your direction.  He sat down next to you, legs askew, and leaned his elbows onto his long, lean legs.  He cleared his throat, "So..."

You were too focused on the group of boys approaching to listen.  Panic rose within you, your ex-boyfriend alarm triggered.  Gulping down some tea, you tried to dislodge the lump in your throat, but ended up inhaling the liquid instead.  While shock coursed through you, you hadn't seen the tense look in Kuroo's too dark eyes when he admitted he had the biggest crush on you.  You hadn't heard his almost-stutter when he asked you to go out on a date with him this Saturday.  You barely registered his warm hand as he rubbed your back to ensure you weren't choking.

 

Then, time moved in a painfully slow series of events.

 

Your eyes met your ex's.

 

His brows raised, eyes shifting right, to Kuroo.

 

His friend nudged your ex with his elbow, frowning.

 

Kuroo leaned forward.  "Are you okay?"

 

Your hand found Kuroo's leg, upper body turning.

 

Kuroo's lips parted, stunned.

 

You leaned forward.

 

The moment your lips brushed Kuroo's time sped up again, but not for Kuroo.

For him, the touch stopped time.  His dreams materializing right on the very bench you sat on, hand pressed to his knee.  

After the group of boys passed, you pulled away in time to see your ex with his head down and his friend throwing a loathsome scowl over his shoulder.  An excited wave of satisfaction rolled through you.

Kuroo stared at you in awe, memorizing every molecule of this moment, completely oblivious to your malicious intentions.

Sunlight streamed down through the tree branches, warming multi-sized patches of grass and part of the bench directly between you two.  You smelled pleasantly of soap and tea and had tasted even better.  A bashful smile softened your eyes and pulled up the corners of your lips.

"I'll pick you up at 5."  Kuroo eagerly exchanged numbers with you.  He placed a gentle kiss on your cheek, "See you."  He stopped his legs from bounding around in bliss as he ran back to the classroom to grab his black bag and all but flew home where he recounted the whole tale via text message to Kenma, to which the setter responded

 

_Just be careful. Bad rumors are going around._

 

That is the story of how you ended up dating a guy you didn't like to begin with.

You quickly learned how romantic Kuroo was.  Little notes found their way into your school bag, sometimes hidden between the pages of your notebooks.  Every lunch a smiling Kuroo would come to your classroom door and walk you up to the roof where he spoke animatedly throughout the entire lunch, usually about volleyball.  Once in a while he would bashfully put his arm around your shoulders and gaze up at the sky, telling you how wonderful it was to be here in this moment.

You had planned to dump him before leaving for college, but could never find the right moment.  You hadn't broken up with him after graduation as planned, nor had you jilted him by the time your first semester of university started.

The day you ventured off to university was difficult, more so for Kuroo than for you.  He enveloped your hands in his on the train platform, "Talk to me every chance you get. And, more importantly, please be safe."

Tears coated his eyes, he knew missing you wasn't going to be easy.  A few surprise visits were already in the making.  He just needed to save a bit more money from his part time job, could feel the big smile that was sure to light up your face once he arrived there.  He waved off your train.

As the train chugged along on its tracks, a sense of relief flowed through you, knowing you would be far away from Kuroo's prying.

Once the new routine settled into a habit, a few weeks at most, Kuroo found your texts and calls numbered less and less.

With a depressed sigh, he pulled on his rose-colored glasses.  You most likely had homework to keep up with, not to mention starting a completely new social life, probably exhausted from your studies and were too tired to stay up-to-date with your long-distance boyfriend because thinking about how long until you could see each other made you sad.

As the one left behind, his feelings couldn't have had a more different spin.  Kuroo initiated every conversation.  Although, he denied it to himself no question. 

 

Another month had passed.  Not a single word made it back to him.  He would check his phone between classes hoping to find any sort of sign indicating a reply, something proving you still lived.

He checked your facebook page.  A couple pictures had been posted, one of them from two days ago.  In the picture, you wore a little black dress, clearly attending a party, smiling as you spoke to a few girls and guys around you.  He wished he could have been the cup in your hand, or the light post in the background, anything to be closer to you or your attention than he currently was.

He took to Kenma for advice on the matter.

 

_Do you think I should surprise visit her?_

 

_No._

 

_But I could be real quick about it?_

 

_I'm not sure she wants you there._

 

_Hello? Im her boyfriend!_

 

_Do what we both know you are already going to do.  See you when you get back._

 

 

When Kuroo showed up at your dorm that Friday night, your brain barely grasped the situation. 

"Surprise," his arms encircled you pressing you flush against him.  You had forgotten annoying, little Kuroo, whose mouth tenderly held yours with urgency.  "I'm so happy to be here," it sounded like he was crying. 

A bit of agitation itched in your soul unbeknownst to Kuroo.  The weekend proceeded as you cancelled and reorganized all of your plans.  You didn't want Kuroo hanging around your new friends.  Instead, the two of you snuggled on the couch, and he started to question why it felt so wrong.

All he needed to do was try harder.

An unbearable silence blanketed the room, your hands glued to your phone endlessly.  Kuroo was sprawled out on his stomach with the side of his head resting in your lap, legs left to dangle off the edge of the couch. 

"This is all your fault, Kuroo.  They were expecting me to show up to this...". You muttered under your breath.  A small pang of guilt tugged his insides. 

"I'm sorry.  Forgive me?"  His eyes squeezed into little crescents as he apologized.  Strong arms reached up to squeeze you in a tight hug.

Aggravation welled up within you.  _Why won't he just leave already._

Kuroo snuck a peek at your face through his bangs when you weren't looking.  His heart sank at the scowl he found there.  How could he fix this? 

 

Sunday arrived all too quickly for Kuroo.  He hoped you would walk him back to the station as to not miss a single second with you.  "I can't come with.  I need to catch up on the studying you wouldn't let me do."

His last glimpse of you was right before you shut the door heavily, not even watching to make sure he made it onto the elevator safely.  He convinced himself that everything was alright between the two of you.  He knew you were mad and would wait for you to contact him once you cooled off.

 

The next weeks passed by like watching bread rise.  Volleyball kept him going.  He imagined his phone melding to the skin of his hand because of how often he checked for any word from you. 

A whole two months lagged by, so Kuroo packed up an overnight bag and boarded the train for the three hour train ride to visit his favorite person.

When he arrived there, the door to your dorm remained closed, silence the only thing heard inside.  Kuroo's back slid down the cold brick wall of the hallway.  The seconds dragged by, but for you he was patient.

Finally, at nine o'clock a group of girls began giggling down the hallway.  "Oh my gosh!  There's a guy waiting by your door."  A girl with dark hair exclaimed.

"Who is that?"  Another one spoke up. 

Kuroo caught sight of you at the back of the gaggle, spirits lifting, painful beat in his chest. 

"I'll meet you downstairs.  Give me ten minutes."  The girls agreed and chattered their way down the hallway excitedly, fixing him with unkind stares.

"He's really hot!"

"Looks kinda creepy!"

"OMG! Do you think he's a stalker?!"

 

This all felt wrong.  The blood drained from Kuroo's face as it fell, turning to the floor, his bangs hanging down to hide his face from you.

"What are you doing here?"

A cross question.

Kuroo cleared his throat.  Eyes stuck to the ground, his only lifeline.  "I haven't heard from you since last time I was here."  His voice trembled under the uncomfortable weight of the situation. 

"Kuroo," you walked to your door, your teeth gleaming viciously in the dull light of the hallway, "Go home."

A desperate plea shot from Kuroo's eyes, but you busied yourself with unlocking your door. 

Halting in your motions, you turned your head, watching him Over your shoulder, "I have plans this weekend.  I don't have time."

_For you_.  The unspoken words hung in the air like a burning miasma.  It sunk into Kuroo slowly, savagely cutting into him.  "I'll go..."

"Good."

"...if that's what you want."

"It is."  You knew the cruelness of your words.

It didn't bother you.

You hadn't wanted this relationship, and the more time you spent away from him, the more you forgot why you hadn't already dumped him.  This relationship wasn't built on mutual interest, but from the agony of seeing your ex and wanting to plunge a knife into his heart.

Kuroo only had himself to blame for being so naïve. 

"I'll see you later, then."  Kuroo shrank as he walked down the hall, mentally kicking himself for thinking you would be able to drop everything you were doing just for him.  He really thought that would have gone better.  His entire body trembled as he made his defeated way back to the train station which would whisk him away from you. 

He hardly noticed the world around him as he grabbed the first open seat he found, next to a boy who looked about Kuroo's age.

A happy couple two rows ahead of Kuroo and to the right sat hand-in-hand talking excitedly, while staring out of the window. 

His heart clenched achingly so as he entertained the idea of picking you up at the end of the semester and traveling back home with your head gently leaning on his shoulder as you took a short nap, while he snapped a few ecstatic selfies next to your cute, sleeping face.  It was an enchanting scene, but that did not make it any closer to existing, especially considering the current circumstances.  A voice startled him from his cozy fantasy. 

"Hey, you go to Nekoma, don't you?"

He studied the boy's face, thought he looked a bit familiar.

"Yeah, you're that Kuroo kid, right?  The one who was dating my ex?" 

His bangs fell further over his eyes. He didn't know what shocked him more, the fact that this guy actually knew of him or the fact that he used "was". 

"I heard her telling her friends she dumped you right after graduation.  Totally cruel, man.  I guess she was just trying to make me jealous, cause I cheated on her once." 

He wished his bangs could cover his ears and block this information from wreaking havoc within his mind. 

"She followed me to my first-choice school.  We were talking about getting back together, you know.  So what do you think, guy?  Should I take the plunge?"

Brow furrowed and lips striking a grim line right across the middle of his face, Kuroo raised himself from the seat, "I think you've got the wrong person.  Excuse me."

His mind flew 1,000 miles per minute, and his body unable to keep up with the shock, he fell into a empty seat at the back of the car.

All of the little signals he had missed, no ignored, seemed to rush at him at once.

The scowl on your face when you opened your door to find him standing there with a bouquet, the fact that your social life magically disappeared upon his arrival.  Your friends had no idea who was waiting at your door, nor did you introduce him to them.  Kuroo remained frozen to his seat for the remainder of the ride home.  Air barely entered his lungs.  How could he fix this?  What had he done wrong?

The rain poured down as he exited the train.  He made no move to tighten his jacket to block the rain's path.

It drenched him to his core.  Everything was numb, his body, his feelings.

He entered his family's apartment and dashed to his room, throwing off his sopping jacket.

The water accumulated on the wooden floorboards, drowning every crack in its frigid wetness.  Kuroo hardly made it in time to collapse onto his bed to shove his pillow over his head before a gush of warmth brimmed over the edge of his eyelids.

How ignorant he had been!  You had practically thrown yourself at him that day on the bench.

His happiness had disguised the truth!

He wanted to love you, made you into what he needed, altered the facts to fit his imaginary reality.

He faulted himself with the way things turned out.  His calloused hands ripped at his perpetually stuck up hair, halting a painful cry in his esophagus.

After remaining wet faced and dead on his bed until morning, he laid comatose until noon.  His limbs could not be bribed to move.

Bzzzzzz!

His phone shook in his bag, knocking against the hard floor like clacking teeth, and he leapt off the bed, a cat pouncing.

A quivering started, growing up from his feet all the way to his hands as he turned the phone over, lighting up the screen, a new message from you.

Revolt tainted the smile that began to sprout, settling the expression somewhere between a grotesque grin and a frown.

The only text you sent him since you moved to your new life.

He tapped 4 digits into his phone, your birthday.  It unlocked, and two small words surfaced on the screen.

 

_It's over._

 

He let gravity drag his arm down, phone clunking onto the floor in front of him.

How cruel.  He had been thrown away. 


End file.
